Chapter Text
♥Fall♥
She dipped a toe into the water's perfectly still surface and watched a single ripple roll until it hit the other side of the pond. Ice cold and perfectly clear.Interesting.
She had never ventured this far into the woods. Close to it, that time she'd been magically compelled by forces infuriatingly beyond her comprehension.
She saw his reflection in the water before she understood he was there.
He hadn't made a sound.
She jumped and swivelled around, nearly stumbling backwards into the pond in the process.
"Fear not." He spoke, adding ominously a moment later, "for now."
"Uhh..."
"You are investigating the magical properties of this valley."
"Yes."
He crosses his arms loosely and regarded her for a long searching moment.
"We will allow you to do this, for now."
"Uhh..."
"You have the power to keep the farmer here."
"What?"
"Do it."
He winked out of existence.
Rattled, Maru made her way out of the grove, not remembering her intended purpose of scientific discovery.
The morning after her near death experience, Abbi took one step on her swollen ankle and burst into tears. Her mom found her crumpled on the floor beside her bed.
The night previous she’d flippantly brushed her parents' concerns off. They’d tried their usual guilt tactics to get her to spill, but she’d been assured in herself that everything. was. fine. She had escaped death. None of their sour words could quell the brilliance of mood that followed from that.
But then of course, the next morning it really hit her. How close she’d been to death. Ry.
Caroline had picked her sobbing form off the floor, not without gentleness, and dragged her to the clinic. Abbi told Harvey the truth she’d held back from her parents. How it was her fault. He nodded solemnly along.He was too nice to her.
On her way out, she awkwardly paused in the doorway to Ry’s room.
The farmer had been barely conscious, but still smiled at her with half closed eyes. “Hey, there she is,” she said it softly, and like she was genuinely glad to see her.
Abbi was already tearing up just from seeing how bandaged and bruised Ry was, and being treated without a drop of bitterness sent her over the edge.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so f*cking sorry.” She had sobbed as she hobbled over to Ry and collapsed beside her cot.
Ry kept smiling, and once Abbi was closer she could tell that she was undoubtedly drugged for pain. Ry patted her head with a hand that seemed half numb.
“shhh, shhhh, it’s all good. We’re both okay, yeah?”
Abbi had sniffled, trying to compose herself. “When you get out of here, tell me how I can make it up to you, okay?”
“oooooo, I’ll have to think of something fun.” Ry had chuckled and then drifted into unconsciousness. Abbi knew she likely wouldn’t remember this conversation.
Her mother also softened to her, now that she wasn’t being so nonchalant about it all. She practically carried her home, and made sure she was comfortable and that she was icing her ankle properly, bringing her snacks. Treating her like she was little girl again.
If Abbi hadn’t been so distressed, she might have thought her mother liked it, her needing her like this again.
Stuck in bed, she’d had too much time to think. She’d typed multiple texts to Haley but couldn’t manage to send any of them. They all came out wrong. They either didn’t express what she meant or they expressed it too well. How she was so thankful for her care. How she wanted her to be with during her recovery, just cuddling in bed.She cried when she thought about how she might have been able to have that.
Sebastian showed up later that afternoon. He had dirt on his clothes and he looked exhausted.
“How’re you doing?”He’d said with a sigh. He wasn’t going to chastise her. Say I f*cking told you so, but it hung between them. They both knew it.
She’d frowned at him, “like sh*t. Almost got your boss killed, if you didn’t hear.”
“Might have heard something to that effect, yeah.” When Abbi was unable to hide the water wellingin her eyes he added, “she’ll be alright, you know. Apparently this happened to Gil like every other weekend.”
“Yeah, and now he can’t walk.”
“Sure, but this is just Ry’s first time.”
“I guess you can say I told you so.” She’d been asking for him to say it, begging.
“I won’t but…”
“What?”
“All ‘cause a girl likes you, Abs? Really?”
Before Abbi had left, Haley had told her she should go back to the clinic to get properly checked out.
“I feel fiiine.” She’d beamed at her.
Haley had not returned the smile.
Upon remember her behaviour with her throughout that day, Abbi added profound embarrassment to the list of negative emotions she felt.
The fact that Haley texted her first did not help this feeling.
H: Did you go to the clinic?
A: Yes. I really crashed this morning. Sorry for yesterday.
...
...
H: It’s okay.
...
...
H: Anything broken or infected?
A: No! Harvey said you did a really good job patching me up.
H: Considering a career in medicine.
A: You would be a really good doctor.
Trading these messages had put her heart in her throat. She had anticipated them with bated breath and trembling hands. Her fear that each new text would go unanswered. Until eventually the last one did, and they slid back into not speaking.
And Abbi felt the dire need to get out of town.
She had begun preparing her application to do her thesis before she’d consciously accepted she was going to do it. Dr. Pham had already agreed to supervise her. It was niche, and unclear where this would take her, if it could take her anywhere useful. But it was coursing through her veins, and she had the opportunity to hold onto it.
She’d planned to ask Ry about meeting Ras, and about everything she’d experienced here in the valley, but until her discharge she'd been half drugged and with her own concerns to worry about. Since her discharge, she'd only seen her once, briefly, from afar. Seb would return late in the afternoon or early evening from the farm, beat and sunburnt. He said Ry was taking recovery hard, but he was often too exhausted to elaborate any further. It worried her. She wanted to check in, but it was hard to check in on someone who was avoiding being checked on. She didn't have Harvey's status or legitimacy to warrant a house call.
Her recent encounter with the wizard had rattled her. Ry’s potential departure was the least of it, as it seemed so impossible. Since her arrival, Ry was always in the valley. Ry was the valley, as strange as it was. Maru intuitively felt this, more than thought it. Her conscious mind was preoccupied with how during her one opportunity to speak with Ras – when he had come to her – she hadn’t been able to formulate a single meaningful sentence. She had so many questions for him. Many of them written down. Yet she’d been entirely blank.
She tried to push it aside. There will be other opportunities. She would be more prepared next time. So she took a headlong plunge into her research. Dr. Pham invited her to the city to go over some of the findings they’d collected over the summer and to discuss her future intentions.
Feeling a little trepidation, Maru got on an early morning bus and headed into the city for the first time since she’d left it.
It wouldn’t be until later that Ras’s words would come echoing back to her.
After several long hours in a dingy underfunded lab, Maru emerged into the bright heat of the busy streets. The seasons didn’t hit the city with the abrupt force they did in the valley. It was as hot as a summer day, even as the sun was beginning to dip behind the tall buildings.
She hadn’t anticipated running in to anyone. It was too populated for such happenstance. Least of all, the farmer. Who was standing across the street from her, scrutinizing her phone and glancing around like she was looking for something.
Maru is immediately startled by the situation. It is too serendipitous. It is like seeing a live action character in an animated film. Just sort of wrong.
Maru realizes she’s never once been able to picture the farmer outside of the valley. At least not in any realistic capacity. But here she is. Just standing there and looking mildly lost.
Without thinking, Maru crosses the street.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice is a little too accusatory, the wizard having planted something that was beginning to sprout in her mind.
Ry jumps noticeably. "f*cking hell, Maru. I didn't think I'd run into anyone."
"I'm happy to see you too." Maru recovers her tone and is able to sound playful – she hopes.
"That's not what I- heh." Ry rubs the back of her neck sheepishly. "I just needed some supplies, that's all. What are you doing here?"
"My supervisor wanted to go over some stuff in the lab from what we collected this summer."
"Wait, you're officially in? I thought you were still getting your application together."
Maru shrugged, "it's not official. I just don't see why I should wait for the paperwork to get into the work."
"Sounds like you."Ry smiles at her and Maru feels butterflies beginning to take off in her stomach.
"So, what supplies could a farmer possibly need in the middle of the city?" She teases, but it doesn’t have the intended effect.
Ry blanches, "right... I just have some medical appointments with a specialists."
"Oh." She should have known. She'd been less and less at Harvey's since Ry's discharge and she'd been putting more work into her research, but she knew there were lingering concerns.
Before she can say anything more Ry is quickly changing the subject, "and I do need supplies. Just not for me. Gus has been having difficulty finding high enough quality olive oil, and Luann needs some special thermometer."
"Sounds like you're getting them gifts." Maru smiled, ignoring any pang she got from thinking of Luann in that context.
"Um, I..."
"I brought that diamond to the university’s lab. We're hoping we can use it in a new technology for analyzing magic particles."
"Ah, so it is useful to you. Glad I didn't get f*cked up for nothing." A good natured joke, but Maru thought she detected a hint of bitterness hidden behind it. Maybe she was projecting.
"You also saved Abbi's life." She points out.
"That too." Another weak smile, she was beginning to seem more and more distant.
"Are you pissed off at her?" Maru intuits, or tries to.
"What? No!"
"Seb was pretty mad."
"Yeah, mostly at himself." Ry chuckles.
"He's like that."
"I'm just glad I was there. There's no point worrying about what-ifs." Her voice sounded far off, like she was barely even listening to her own words.
"Yeah, sounds like you really believe that."
But Ry wasn’t thinking about it anymore. "Look, I gotta head into this next appointment."
"Oh, here?" She looks up at the innocuous cube behind them, with its long directory of offices.
"Yeah."
"I can wait for you." Maru offers immediately. It’s her first time really talking to Ry since she’d been in the clinic, and those conversations had mostly happened through Ry’s haze of drugged consciousness. Even without the wizards words nipping at her heels, even knowing that Ry might be dating the town’s new beer brewer, she couldn’t walk away from her so easily. She’d done that too many times before.
"No, don't do that." Ry smiled sadly at her.
"It's no problem. I have time to kill before I catch the bus."Maru ignores Ry’s tone on purpose.
"The bus? I.." She hesitated, "I can drive you back. Going that way anyw-" But then she shook her head like she was taking it back. "You shouldn't wait for me, I’ll be late. You should do what you planned."
Maru smirked at Ry's waffling. It was so her to be caught between wanting to be alone and needing to be the most helpful person alive. "So you don't want me to take the bus but you don't want me to wait either, huh?"
"I just, argh, it's a long day. I'll see you back in town." She seemed amused at Maru’s question, but she said the last part with finality.
Maru rejected it. "You don’t have to do this alone. And besides, you’ve been avoiding me back in town.”
Ry opened her mouth to respond, but she faltered as she realizes what Maru’s just accused her of. Her cheeks visibly heat up. “I haven’t been avoiding you,” she says with soft embarrassment.
“Sure.” Maru starts walking into the building and joins the queue for the elevator. She doesn’t look back, assuming that Ry has no choice but to follow her. There was a chance she was seriously crossing a boundary, especially considering the private nature medical appointments did and should command. But she couldn’t really imagine a situation in which this was happening to Shane and Ry wasn’t there with him. And Shane had spent hours by her side when she’d been admitted after her incident. She wonders if she gave him the same excuse of “picking up equipment” she’d tried on Maru. Or maybe she’d just left without saying anything.
It didn’t sit right with her. Ry taking the recovery hard, and not letting anyone comfort her.
She could feel Ry standing close by her in the queue. Maru walks in to the next elevator and turns to see Ry following her in. Her head was slightly cast down, but she gazes up at Maru’s face briefly. Their eyes meet. Ry’s cheeks are still pink, her lips slightly parted, a look that is slightly embarrassed, nervous, and admiring all at once. Maru feels a shiver down her spine that probably isn’t from the blasting AC.
Ry doesn’t say anything. Just hits the button for the 14th floor and squeezes in beside Maru.
Abbi went to the city for a few days to look for apartments, though she had no idea what she would do if she moved back.Her parents let her take the car, seemingly grateful that she was taking a next step in her life. When telling them, she’d exaggerated the amount she’d been thinking about it. Made it seem like she’d concocted a real plan.
She told herself it didn't matter that she didn’t have one, she would figure it out.
Driving towards her potential future, she ignored how it felt to leave the valley. Like energy was sapping from her. Like the tendrils of whatever bit of stardew existed inside her remained firmly rooted back home, and there was no amount of pulling that would dislodge them from their origins.
She crashed at an old friend's. A Seb look alike, old crush from her early days in uni. He had been awkward and shy and sweet back then. Now he had a better haircut and tattoos and was letting it all get to his head. His attitude reminded her a bit of Sam, to her disgust. She still slept with him.
Disappointing. No thrill.
After the first time, she quickly excused herself for a smoke and quiet cry on the fire escape.
f*ck. What was she doing?
Haley had been experiencing a moderate misery since things had completely fallen apart between her and Abbi, but at least she was able to weather it better than she had weathered the fall out between her and Ry. Not to say losing Abbi didn't cause significant heartbreak, because it did, and much more profound than anything she'd perhaps ever felt before. But the difference was that she felt considerably more stable than she had just over half a year ago. She had to take that as a victory, even if what accompanied it was incredibly painful. She still had Emily and she still had Alex, which technically meant she had Shane too, as weird as that was.
When she found out Abbi had left town and was looking for an apartment in the city she felt like she was hit with a wrecking ball. She hadn't even said anything. What happened to her plea to remain friends?
She felt too gutted, too hollow, to be furious. Alex was disturbed by this, she could tell. He tried to talk to her about it, but she would only sigh. What was the use? She’d tried. She’d really tried.
This did not deter Alex from trying to cheer her up and get her mind off of things. On Shane’s day off, the three of them went out of town to visit Evelyn. And when she saw how Shane and Evelyn interacted, it was impossible for Haley to say sh*t about him anymore. The two of them clearly delighted in teasing Alex together. They seemed to share a secret confidence, that was both flustering and deeply endearing to Alex. It was sweet, and genuine. It made her sad to think of how much time she’d missed, being away from the valley.
It made her miss George.
Afterwards, they headed back to the farm for dinner. She felt a little weird encroaching on that territory again, considering the last time she'd been there. But things between her and Ry had been fine for months.
Sebastian was watering some freshly transplanted fall crops when they got back. He was wearing a big floppy hat that looked completely out of place on him.
"Where's Ry?" Shane asked, in such a way that led Haley to believe he was surprised he was there.
Seb shrugged, "said she had to make an errand, she was already halfway out of town when she called me."
Shane made an annoyed face, but he quickly shrugged it off. "Want dinner? We're barbecuing."
"Wouldn't say no."
Shaneheaded to his cabin, waving her and Alex off when they asked what he needed help with.
Haley took a moment to admire the farm. She hadn't been here while things were growing in... she had no idea how long. In early fall it was still lush, apple and pear trees heavy with fruit, 12 foot tall sun flowers looming over her. Alive with bees, birds, crickets.
"Wow, it's so beautiful here." She said to Alex, after taking a brief tour of the orchard and flower garden.
He grinned, "I know. Ry really knows what she's doing. And Shane too. Want to see the animals?"
She wasn’t too sure how much she did, but she agreed anyway and followed Alex down the path towards the paddock.
The smell was bad, but she held back from saying anything. Her and Alex leaned against the fence to observe the small fixed flock. She had to admit, the animals were pretty cute. Especially the little rabbits and some of the younger cows.
“Is it weird having Sebastian here?” She asked Alex, remembering the brief period in high school in which the two of them had experimented together. She wasn’t supposed to know about that, but Alex had always been bad at hiding things.
He chuckled, “I go to this house every week for dinner, remember?”
“Right. So weird.”
“Is it?”
“No. But also yes, of course it is.”
“You should come some time. You might have to eat a weird casserole, but other than that, it’s chill.”
“I wouldn’t want to impose on Robin and Demetrius like that.”
“They wouldn’t think of it that way. They’re always happy when Penny or Abbi unexpectedly join.”
Haley’s mouth went into a line. “Well, then I definitely shouldn’t.”
Alex sighed, “Haley...”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Alex. There’s nothing to say. Let’s just admire these cows and go help Shane with dinner.”
Alex shook her head, “you really like it when they come to you, don’t you?”
“Excuse me? How is that relevant, to literally anything I’ve just said?”
“Am I wrong though?”
She rolled her eyes. “I know she wants to be chased. But that’s all she wants. I was doing it all summer, and the second I got too close she literally f*cking ran. So yeah, maybe you are wrong.”
“Was that chasing?” He asked, his amused skepticism betraying he knew exactly how she’d react.
She gave him a warning glare, “Alex.”
“All I’m saying is, you don’t like it when they make you work.”
“Are you saying I like everything handed to me? Literally, after all my time in the city, in a f*cking rat race that got me absolutely nowhere? Who was coming to me then, huh? As if I had so many f*cking offers–” Her voice was getting louder, and one of the younger cows startled and ran away from her to hide behind its mom.
“Hey, hey! That’s not what I’m saying. I’m not questioning your work ethic, your professional drive or whatever.”
“What are you saying then? Explain it to me,” she snapped at him.
“With people, Haley. To be fair, I don’t know much about your social life the past few years but…”
“But what? ”
“You don’t have a lot of patience for when someone needs time. Apart from me, but like… back in the day, you really liked being pursued.”
“She ran from me! Like actually. Ran. Away.”
“And I’m not saying that was the right thing to do. But this was just the first time I ever saw you put effort in like that. Like you actually like her, not just how she makes you feel.”
“Yeah well, she makes me feel like sh*t. So, that’s not exactly a healthy dynamic.”
“Does she make you feel like sh*t, or does the idea of being rejected make you feel like sh*t?”
Haley rolled her eyes again. “What’s the difference, if she’s the one doing it?”
“Wow, okay, I think we might be surpassing my qualifications as a listener at this point. I just don’t think you should write her off as, you know, the love of your life.”
“The love of my life?!”
He shrugs, grinning, “yeah.”
“That does not make me feel better.”
“I think she feels it back.”
“And what evidence do you have to support that wild conclusion?”
He had a mischievous glint in his eye. “I don’t know, ask Seb.”
Her mouth fell open in shock. “You and Seb are not conniving together about me and Abbi. That is not happening.”
He grins, “to your knowledge.”
“I will literally kill you.”
The waiting room was cramped. It was impossible for them not to have sat so close together. Their thighs brushing was just a consequence of this. Nothing else.
Ry hadn’t been able to say many full sentences since she’d checked herself in. She was trying to hide it from her, but Maru could see the same fear in her eye she’d seen the day of her incident. The ring of purple around her irises had gone grey.
When the doctor called her name, she got up without looking back at Maru. It was fear. Maru knew it, and it made her feel sick knowing she couldn’t make it go away.
To distract herself as she waited, Maru pulled out her notebook and began going over some of the notes she’d taken, and writing down more of her ideas. She pulled out her tablet and began cross referencing with some articles she’d read. She was so absorbed in this she didn’t notice the waiting room emptying out.
“I’m sorry you had to wait so long.” Suddenly Ry was standing in front of her, rubbing the back of her neck.
“Oh?” Maru said, looking up. She was cross-legged in her chair, various reading materials and notebooks strewn about her as if she was in her own space. She hadn’t even noticed she’d done that. “I got so much work done!” She jumped up and began quickly shoving her stuff in her bag, embarrassed at how absorbed she’d been in her own work.
Ry smiled at her in disbelief, “really?”
“Yes! Um, I finally caught up on some reading Dr. Pham gave me, and I noticed some pretty cool correlations with-- sorry, that’s boring. How are you?”
Ry picked up one of the heavier books Maru had brought with her and regarded it with interest, “it’s not boring. I want to hear more about it.”
“No, you don’t.” Maru laughed, “but thank you. How are you?”
Ry shrugged, “I’ll be better if you tell me more about what you learned.” She handed the book back to Maru, “maybe over dinner?”
Maru felt her cheeks heat up dramatically.
“Only... only if you tell me how you actually are...” She stumbled over her words, almost dropping the book as she tried to fit it into her bag, telling herself she probably didn’t mean it like that.
Ry was softly grinning at her, and part of Maru felt deeply relieved to see Ry almost back to her usual confident self, and part of her felt like a fumbling loser who couldn’t handle the heat.
“Deal.”
For a brief while, Maru thought Ry had forgotten about dinner. She’d walked them back to her car and immediately started driving out of the downtown. She got on the highway and didn’t pull off until they were deep in the suburbs. She then turned in to what seemed like a random strip mall. Laundromat, barbershop, convenience store, and one dingy looking restaurant with very steamed up windows. Maru could smell a delicious aroma wafting across the parking lot.
Ry led her inside and Maru was shocked to find it was absolutely bustling.
When they were squeezed into a tiny table and poured some green tea, Maru asked Ry how she knew about it.
"I lived in the area, a long time ago.” It was weird picturing Ry living in the suburbs, but she forgot about when she heard what came next. “Haley told me it was in some fancy magazine recently, so I guess they’re getting the recognition they deserve now."
"You still talking with her?" Maru couldn’t help herself. Ry raised an eyebrow and she felt herself blush. "I just mean... things seemed kind of rough before I left for the spring."
"A lot of things were rough back then." Ry shrugged non-committal. "I seem to remember someone not even bothering to tell me they were leaving."
Maru felt her face heat up even more. "I was just... I didn't think you would care."
Ry just stared at her and Maru gulped piping hot tea as a distraction from her rising pulse.
"It was kind of sh*tty." Ry continued honestly, but without active emotion. "I kind of thought-" She cuts herself off, face almost daring to break out into a grin, but she bit her lip, holding it back.
"What?" Maru asks when she doesn't continue.
Staring at her, she slightly raises her brows like you know.
But Maru certainly didn’t know how to react to that.
Sensing she was floundering, Ry changed the subject to what they’d agreed on. “So, tell me about what you’re working on.”
Maru was happy to oblige, but every time she tried to circle things back to how Ry was doing, Ry would ask her another question. And she couldn’t help but answer. She would be lying if she said it didn’t feel good to talk about it, to have someone be interested in what she was interested in. And Ry did seem genuinely interested. The types of questions she was asking were not the kind of questions someone who didn’t give a sh*t would have come up with. But still, she couldn’t help but feel that Ry was trying to distract her, to distract both of them.
Finally she had to say, “okay! Enough about me! Ry, please.”
Ry had her elbow on the table, her cheek resting on her fist. She’d been watching Maru closely throughout their entire conversation, with a look that made the butterflies in her stomach so active it was hard to eat, even with how delicious the food was.
Having it turned around on her, Ry went silent for so long Maru started to feel like she was in trouble.
“Seriously, Ry, I’m asking. How are you? I could break in to Harvey’s medical records, but I’d prefer not to be forced to do that.” She was joking, unable to make eye contact, but unwilling to back down.
Ry sat back in her chair, breaking her gaze and fiddling absently with her napkin.
“I’m good.” She said after awhile.
“Mhm...” Maru nodded along, hoping she would continue.
Ry exhaled and leaned forward again, dragging her hands down her face, “yoba, you won’t give it up, huh?” She seemed half amused by this, but quieter than she normally might have been. She didn’t make eye contact.
“No, I won’t.”
“I just don’t like all the unknowns. Like, I’m fine. Just a little short for breath. Can’t really lift things like I used to be able to. Can’t chop wood. Trouble focusing. My sleep’s been totally f*cked. That sort of thing.”
“You’re still recovering.” Maru pointed out gently.
Ry smiled weakly, “yeah. But I guess we’re not sure if I’ll ever get out of that phase.”
Maru wanted to say I think you will because she did. But she also knew there was a chance she wouldn’t. That this could be her new normal.
“That must make work feel a lot different.”
“I feel useless.” Ry admitted, and Maru could tell how much it hurt her to feel like that. That this was the worst thing she could be. And she understood, suddenly, the wizard’s warning, or perhaps worry was more accurate. If Ry didn’t feel she was able to keep up with the farm, would she stay?
“Well, you’re not.” Maru said firmly.
Ry was looking out at nothing, frowning into a distance Maru couldn’t see. Turning back towards her she smiled, though again it was weak. “Should we head back?”
Ry paid for their food and Maru wanted to think it was a romantic gesture and not just her trying to be useful. She doubted it though.
The car ride back was relatively quiet, not unpleasantly so. They were both tired after a long day, and the food had left them too full to talk. It felt nice to just be in someone’s company without the pressure of having to explain one’s self.
Despite feeling this herself, as they approached the valley, Maru began to feel anxious that Ry didn’t agree. That she was too nice to tell her that she wished she hadn’t wait for her. That she’d rather be doing this drive alone. That Maru had really crossed a line forcing her to talk about herself, had really bored her with all her scientific raving.
In front of Maru’s door, there was a moment of pause in which neither of them said anything. Maru wanted to ask if she’d made a mistake.
Before she could work up the courage, Ry said "I'm glad you waited today."
Maru exhaled, relief flooding her. "Yeah... me too."
"It's nice... having someone there."
"I think a lot of people would be there for you."
"Yeah but..." Ry exhaled deeply, looking out the front wind shield. "It's just n-” she stops herself, as she’d done several times today. Correcting to “friends are really important."
"Friendship is important, yes." Maru affirmed, waiting for the but she thought was coming.
Ry just chuckled, "glad we can agree on that." She looked exhausted, not her usual self. The same thing that had been haunting her since her accident, or maybe just tired from the drive.
Maru wanted to close the space between them, to hug her and tell her it was all going to be okay. But she was afraid Ry would freeze up, or push her away, and she didn’t know if they could come back from that.
She took her seat belt off, and she knew she was being way too slow about it. That it must have been obvious she was stalling. That she was waiting for a sign. “Um...” She breathed, trying desperately to think of something else to say that would allow her to prolong their time together. She could feel her face burning.
“Umm...” Ry repeated softly, and even though Maru was unable to look at her face, she could hear the smile. That she was kind of mocking her, and could probably tell exactly what she was doing. It was completely mortifying, and yet she somehow couldn’t stop it from happening.
Maru turned her body towards Ry, still unable to look at her face.
“So I guess I’ll see you soon?” She asked, biting her lip.
“Penny’s goodbye party right?”
Maru’s heart sunk. Penny’s goodbye party wasn’t until next week. She’d been hoping... she tried to put it aside.
“Yeah... uh, don’t say anything to her.” She forced a chuckle.
“I wouldn’t dare.”
Maru opened the door, still without looking at her, and hopped out of the truck. The autumn night felt frigid compared to the heat of the car. But Ry had expressed she was glad she’d stuck around, and that sparked a little warmth.
The sun was beginning to descend and washing the farm in a golden glow. It was the perfect clear evening. Not too warm and not too cool.
Haley and Alex – not talking about that anymore – were in the midst of Ry’s garden, choosing the perfect produce to make a salad with. Shane and Seb both assured them that Ry wouldn’t mind, that were was no chance she wouldn’t insist on them helping themselves.
Haley was particularly mesmerized by some late season tomatoes. She held one up for Alex’s inspection. It was stripped yellow and pink, “how is this possible?”
Before he could answer, they heard someone calling out across the field.
"Hey! Ry around?" Haley peered through the tall vines to see Luann approaching.
Seb, who was closer and just finishing washing his filthy hands off with the hose, approached them. He took his giant hat off and self consciously ran a hand through his sweaty hair.
She couldn’t make out what they were saying to each other, but by the time she and Alex emerged from the garden, it was clear Luann was staying for dinner too.
They passed Alex a loaf of fresh bread, “my contribution, if it’s wanted.”
“Of course!”
That was how Haley found herself having dinner with Luann, Shane, Alex and Seb on the most perfect fall evening that probably ever graced the valley. The food was delicious, and the company was surprisingly good too.
The sunset they’d been enjoying had given way to twilight when Ry pulled up in her truck.
"Wow, having a party without me?" She chastised them, smiling. She handed a small box to Luann like it was nothing.
"What?" Luann exclaimed, ripping it open. "You didn't have to do this!"
"It wasn't out of my way."
"Send me a bill, this is really helpful."
Ry laughed, and everyone knew she would do no such thing.
"You need any food?" Shane asked her.
"Nah, ate on the way in." She took a seat with them and joined the conversation. She was obviously tired, and seemed a little preoccupied, but made no hint that they should leave.
Awhile later, Alex and Shane took off for the night, early risers that they were. Haley wondered if she should go too, but Ry passed her a joint and that pretty much concluded that she would be staying. Luann pulled a bottle of wine out of their bag, and they split it between the four of them, Sebastian lingering back as well.
Haley settled in and let the relaxed haze of the evening overtake her. It was nice. It was really nice.She felt a lightness she hadn’t felt in a long time. She was happy to sit back and watch the night pass her by, not feeling any need to be an active participant. So content, she didn’t notice everyone was moving inside. Now that the sun had been gone awhile, it was feeling significantly cooler.
“Haley?” Ry broke through her quiet reverie, and Haley blinked up at her as if being woken.
“Hmmm...”
“Haley?” Ry bit back a laugh.
“Don’t laugh at me!” Haley exclaimed, struggling to stand and cover up the fact she’d been so spaced out.
Ry held out her hand and helped her. “We’re going inside, you still want to hang?”
“Yes. If that’s okay with you.”
“Of course. You’re always welcome.”
The two of them made their way to follow Seb and Luann inside. As Luann held the door open, they looked back and exchanged a warm smile with Ry. Haley clocked it. She’d already started to wonder, earlier in the evening. Noticing Luann’s comfort with the farm, that could only have developed through spending enough time here. They hadn't been here long but already Ry and them seemed to share a private confidence. But maybe that's just how Ry was with everyone. Maybe Haley's treatment upon arrival didn't make her as special as she thought she was. She winced to think it.
Haley stumbled on the steps up to the farmhouse, the screen door slamming shut behind Luann startling her.
Ry caught her by the arm. “You good?”
Haley ignored her own faltering, eyes shifting from where Luann had been a moment before and then back to Ry. She said playfully, "so?"
"So what?" Ry laughed, wilful miscomprehension, she was sure.
"You sure know how to make people feel welcome."
Ry's mouth fell open in shock, reading the subtext perfectly.
Haley smirked a little too gleefully, but Ry recovered quickly, "I hardly needed to welcome someone who'd called this place home longer than I have."
She was talking about Haley now – did it mean she was confirming involvement with Luann or avoiding the subject?
Haley shook her head, grinning. "Yet you still went out of your way to do it. What's going to happen when Leah comes back?"
"Are you calling me a slu*t?"Ry mused.
Haley just shrugged, taking a sip of the wine she’d forgotten was in her hand.
Ry was shaking her head in false offence,but there was an edge of seriousness underneath it.
"Hey, I'm not judging. You have no idea what I'd do for a good lay around here." Haley laughed, almost spilling her wine as she made an exaggerated gesture.
"Think I might have an idea what you would do." Ry said half under her breath.
They were paused before the front door, neither of them making a move to open it. And just like that things were simmering between them again.
Haley bit her lip and realizing what was happening Ry's cheeks flushed. Haley looked through the screen door at Luann, pleasantly speaking with Sebastian at the other side of the room.
"There's nothing going on there..." Ry said quietly, clearly not wanting anyone else to hear.
"I'm sensing there's something more to that..." Haley said in a singsong voice.
Ry sighed, and turned away from the others so only Haley could see her expression. Dragging a hand down her face, "it's not Luann."
Haley just stared at her expectantly.
Ry shook her head, biting her lip.
"If you don't tell me who, I'm going to start assuming it's me." But really she was getting worried that it was Abbi. They both had a flare for danger, they both didn’t mind getting down and dirty, and they were both extremely hot, albeit for very different reasons. Come to think of it, they’d always gotten along well hadn’t they? And Ry was great friends with Sebastian, who was great friends with Abbi, which always helped... And... Ry had gone out of her way to save Abbi in the mines. Why had they both been down there? Maybe Abbi didn’t want Haley because....
Ry was shaking her head, though Haley barely registered it. The farmer pulled a joint out of her shirt pocket. "You want to smoke this with me?"
Distracted by her own thoughts, Haley accepted. She regretted it the instant the first inhale hit her lungs and she spluttered into coughs. She downed her wine to try and quell the fit, but it didn’t work. She was already kind of high, and though she had been near euphoric a moment ago, she was beginning to feel an anxiety bubbling within. Abbi was gone. Abbi had left town without saying anything. Running even further from her? Was she just being egotistical to think that?
Ry was offering to get her water, but Haley just drifted away from her without saying anything. She found the bathroom and didn’t turn the lights on. She wished Alex hadn’t left, he would know exactly what to say.
She practised her breathing techniques and splashed cold water on her face. It only reminded her of when Abbi had comforted her in the washroom that fateful evening she'd had a panic attack at the saloon. So good to her. Always so good to her, and there for her when she was struggling. And yet Haley couldn't stomach just being friends. Why not? Why couldn't she just put her stupid lust aside and love Abbi the way she wanted – platonically? She gripped the sides of the sink hard. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were a little bloodshot, and there were streaks of water running down her face, but underneath that she saw determination. She knew with conviction that Abbi did not just want to be friends. What she didn't know was how likely it was she'd ever be able to admit that to herself.
She left the bathroom after yoba knows how long. Luann and Sebastian were just leaving. She went after them, squinting in the horrid light of a well lit room.
On the porch, she could feel her forehead sweating. Her mouth was so dry.
“Sebastian,” she called after him, even though she’d expressly been avoiding this all night. He turned, already halfway down the steps.
Luann, who was a little ahead, also stopped and turned. They both looked up at her and she faltered under their gaze.
“Um, yeah, never mind, I guess.” She mumbled stupidly, clutching her head.She was feeling woozy. And dumb.
Seb turned back towards Luann, "I'll catch up with you?"
Haley doesn’t see their reaction. She just stood there, holding her head, on Ry’s front porch, waiting.
Seb walked back up the steps so he’s level with her.
“What’s up?” He asked her, so calmly. She looks right into his eyes and she’s not sure if she’s ever looked into them before. They’re beautiful. She couldn’t blink. “Haley?” He says, and she can’t be sure he hasn’t been repeating it.
Her head feels too heavy and her heart feels like it’s literally climbing its way up her throat. Was she about to throw up? She shoved the thought away.
“Do you think… Do I have a chance?”
He smiles, clearly holding back a laugh. “With Abbi?”
She nods her head, and it takes all her effort.
“Yeah. Yeah I’d say you have a chance.”
She nods her head again, slowly, still holding it. “Okay.” She turns to walk back inside, mumbling “thanks.”
It’s not until she’s collapsed in an armchair that she realizes it's only her and Ry now.
"I should probably go home."
"You can crash if you want,” Ry was already half asleep.
Seb was smirking to himself when he turned away from Haley.
“Intrigue?” Luann asked, amused. He was slightly surprised they’d waited for him, though he supposed it made sense. They had the same walk back up the mountain, and they'd been talking most of the night.
“Something like that.”
"Glad something like that can happen in this sleepy old town. Ry totally cooled off on me since your sister came back, what's going on there?"
"I didn't realize you and Ry were a thing." Though he had sort of realized it through how much time Ry seemed to be spending with them. It wasn't his place, but he felt relieved to hear things had cooled. On Maru's behalf, of course.
"Yeah well, stopped before it even got going. Not sure how I’m going to stay entertained now." They joked, clearly not experiencing any heartbreak over the situation, which he was glad about too.
"We'll do our best." Seb chuckled.
Noticing they were approaching the pathway up the mountain, he paused. He was forgetting something. Someone.Lingering a moment as he decided what to do,Lu paused and turned to regard him.He wanted to keep walking and talking withthem. They were the most interesting thing to show up in the valley since Ry, and they looked at him like the interest was mutual... he hadn't had the feelings that kind of attention brought up in a long time. Butearlierhe'd told Penny he would meet herafter things wound up at the farm... he'd already delayed things when people had kept hanging out after dinner – though he had asked her if she wanted to join.
"What's up? You forget something?"
He could just loop around. Walk Lu back home and then down the mountain to Penny's again... That would take an hour though, at least. He could tell Penny to meet him halfway? Butbecause he was on the precipice of flirting with someone else? That was a sh*t move, even if they weren't anything beyond casual.
"No, I... sorry, I want to walk back with you but I forgot I'm supposed to meet someone."
"Now?" Their eyebrows shot up in amused interest, clearly reading the same energy between them as Seb was.
He felt himself blush a little, smiling awkwardly despite it. "Yeah, it's not- anyway. I'll see you around?"
They shrugged, still smiling, "suit yourself,” and they turned to trek up the mountain.
Seb exhaled deeply, trying to compose himself before 180ing towards town. As he passed Ry’s front steps he remembered Haley’s confession and chuckled to himself.
He didn’t consider himself a meddler but he figured Abbi would want to know... And if it could prevent her from being too impulsive about moving without a plan, maybe that was a bonus.
Penny was sitting on the steps to her trailer, curled into a ball with her armswrapped around her knees. It didn’t make him feel good to see it.
“Hey.”He said softly. He was surprised she’d wanted him to meet her here.
“Hey.” She barely moved.
“You should have come to the farm, it was a good night.”He tried to sound as amicable as possible, like he wasn’t berating her for not doing it.
She stiffened, “it would have been weird.”
“Why?Ry’s a chill host.”
“Didyou ask if I could come?”
“No.But the answer would have been yes.”
She narrowed her eyes at him as if she didn’t believe him.
She turned and rested her chin on her knees, saying softly,“I don’t want people to know about us.”She wasso afraid of anyone finding out that they were even friends. He would be hurt by it if he didn’t know it stemmed from all of the baggage she clung to.
“I know you don’tbut --”
“But what?”
“You’re leaving, Pen. What’s it matter?”
She shot him another glare, looking at him like he was dense. But he knew it wasn’t him being so. Her walls had been too tight for too long.
She stood up abruptly and started walking towards the beach, casting a look over her shoulder that made it clear he better follow. He sighed and did as he was bid.
Once he got to the beach she didn’t pull him off into the shadows as was her usual habit. She kept walking until the end of the dock. The moon was bright, and the waveswere relatively calm. A chill autumn breeze was coming to meet them.
He tried not to think about how much easier walking Lu home would have been.Tried to gear himself up for whatever was to come, but neither his heart nor his body were in it. Lately Penny had become prone to monologue – pent up memories she’d never had the chance – or allowed herself – to say to anyone, bursting forth.He desperately wanted to tell Maru, let her know how badly Penny needed support.But Penny forbade it, so out of respect he tried to avoid saying anything. Besides, he knew that Maru already knew. She'd said as much herself, on many occasions. You couldn't force someone to open up to you if they didn't want to. He alsoknew that one friend could not fill in the space of Penny’s void. He was proof of that. And he was beginning to strain under the weight of... whatever their relationship was.
“I’ll miss this view.” She said, barely audible over the crash of the waves.
“You will. But there will be others.”
“Why are you so happy that I’m leaving?” She asked him, sounding annoyed.
“I’m nothap-”
“Don’t lie to me, okay? I know you want me to go.”
“Yes, I do. But not because I don’t want you around.I just know you’ve been feeling stuck for a long time, and there’s only so many opportunities available here."
If she heard him, he didn't know. “There was a few times I thought I was going to leave. All because of Sam.” She snorted, in disbelief at her own stupidity,he assumed.
“Yeah, well, I’d be lying if I said Sam didn’t have anything to do with me leaving either.”
Again, he wasn't sure if she heard. She continued as if she hadn't. “Like,soon after he moved away he came back to visit and we f*cked for the first time, probably because he had nothing else to do,he painted this big picture of me going on tour with him. He said,I’ll let you know when I’m coming to pick you up.And then he went back to the cityto get organized, I packed my bags. The next week he was posting pictures of being on tourand he hadn’t even said anything. He came back a year later and neither of us mentioned it. I think he just forgot.” She laughed sadly.
Seb frowned. He knew at this point he was just here to listen.
She continued, “the next time, he said let's move in together. Can you believe that? So stupid. A nd I went. I went to his place for the weekend, all my belongings in one suitcase, thinking I was going to stay there, and then on Monday he dropped me off at the train station. And he just didn’t even say anything, acted like it was all preplanned. And I thought I was crazy... I cried all the way home and I still slept with him every single time he came back. What does that say about me?”
“That you had the misfortune of meeting Sam, that’s all.”
“I hope I never see him again. But I probably will, unless I literally never come back here.” She grumbled.
Seb didn’t like what was happening. He didn’t want to talk about Sam. He wasn’t worth the breath. Penny had said it herself, that it was sad, the two of them being f*cked over by the same guy. She seemed intent to make them both remember it, to bond them through this shared misfortune. He had nothing against venting, or honesty, or just needing to get something off your chest... but it was feeling like a very one sided relationship, and that wasn’t in anyone’s best interests.
“Look, Penny, I think maybe we should stop doing this.”
“What?” She asked, startled, as if it was the first time she’d actually heard him since they got here.
“Yeah... I don’t think it’s great.”He didn’t know how to articulate it further withouthurting her feelings, not that leaving at that was exactly sweet.
“What?” She repeated, louder this time, "you're telling me this now?"
He winced. It was bad timing. That wasn't the emotional revelation someone made right before they got broken up with. Not that this was breaking up pre se.“The sneaking around...I just don’t really want to do that. I’d rather be friends and not have to worry about people say.”
“We can’t be friends!” She said with a sneer, so abruptly and angrily he found himself taking a half step backwards.
“What?”
“How could we ever be friends!"
"We just are?" He pointed out, and maybe his tone bordered a little too close to sardonic.
She looked out at the ocean, brows knit, lower lip just beginning to tremble.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come out like that." He reached a hand up to her shoulder but she flinched away.
"Just leave me alone." She glared at him, and turned to walk up the beach.
He let her go, making no move to follow, despite the urge to smooth things over. He wouldn't be able to do that and still be honest with himself.
The day she was about to leave – after a fruitless apartment hunt as disappointing as the sex – he said to her, "you know I can't get into anything serious right now."
"What the f*ck?" Abbi’s mouth was half full of cold day old pizza, the only food in his house.
"Like I'm just not in head space..."
"Yeah dude, same."
"Oh, I thought..."
"You're not my type."
"Not old enough for you?" He smirked viciously at her.
She glared at him, "I'm into girls now."
"Not you too..."
"Sorry bro, that's just how it is."
And yeah, she guessed that was how it was. Undeniable now that she'd lost her chance with Haley. Now that she was safe from whatever it had been brewing between them. Abbi loved danger but she was a coward when it mattered.
Since her near death, her mind had unleashed on her a relentless torrent of everything she'd been holding back.The city hadn’t provided a second of relief. If anything, it had made it all painfully clear. She’d really f*cked up. Haley – f*cking Haley – had wanted her, the most perfect girl on earth. And she’d been entirely careless. Treated her like she wasn’t a serious option.
So she was going back to valley, to disappoint her parents with her continued lack of direction and to maybe scrap things together, if Haley would let her. She doubted it. But what else could she do?
She was refuelling at a gas station on the outskirts of town when she got the text from Seb. It was late, and the air was chilly.
Haley just asked me if she still has a shot with you
Abbi put her phone back in her pocket. No. There was no way she just read that. She was just going crazy.
But... she checked again.
Haley just asked me if she still had a shot with you
She’d asked Seb? Really? Gone out of her way to talk to him? Had the two of them ever exchanged a sentence before? She almost left the gas station without paying.
Abbi slammed the car door shut, too loudly considering how late it was. She barely noticed, just like she barely noticed how crooked she’d parked in her haste to get back.
The cool air in her lungs made her shiver as she walked across the street, through the little park. The lights were off. There was a chance this was the stupidest thing she’d ever done.
She put her hands on the top of the fence and pulled herself up, climbing into Haley’s backyard. For some reason going to the front door felt scarier. Emily could answer... or someone might walk by and make this a public humiliation. Though it was late. Beyond a respectable hour to trampling through someone’s garden and knocking on their bedroom window.
Abbi took a shaky breath in and did it anyway.
The knock sounded so loud in the quiet night. It seemed impossible that nobody would answer. That the neighbours wouldn’t turn their lights on and demand to know who the intruder was.
But nothing happened and Abbi had to dare to knock again. This time, she could swear her heart was knocking on her ribs just as loud.
Still, nothing happened.
She should probably just f*cking leave.
But she was here and her knuckles found the glass again.
Rap rap – halfway through the curtains were thrust aside and the window was ripped open.
A furious looking Haley, with bloodshot eyes, pillow marks and tangled hair growling “Alex, what the hell -! Oh.”
They stared at each other. Both equally in disbelief.
Haley rubbed her eyes. She’d clearly been in a deep sleep a moment ago. “Abbi?” She whispered, voice slightly hoarse, sounding confused more than anything.
“Haley.” Abbi said, so quietly she almost couldn’t hear herself. “Haley.” She repeated, a little louder this time. She forced herself a little closer. She put a hand on her shoulder.
Haley looked down at it.
It was awkwardly placed. Almost like a coach about to give a pep talk.
Abbi withdrew it, her face burning, her stomach churning.
“Haley,” she whispered again, because she had no idea what else to say. She laughed awkwardly, unable to look her in the eye. She pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and moved the slightest bit closer, knowing she had the most insane jittery energy right now.
This was crazy.
She closed her eyes and leaned in.
Haley gasped.
Abbi could feel the intake of breath as if it was sucking her in. The distance closed between them and the world stopped. The softest lips she’d ever felt. The only thing that ever existed. Helpless, Abbi whimpered into the kiss.
Haley moaned when she heard it, and Abbi went entirely f*cking weak. Haley’s hands were on her shoulders, pulling her in closer as she leaned further out the window. She opened her mouth and ran her tongue along Abbi’s lips. The wet heat made her sigh and she parted them for her, letting that hot tongue slip into her mouth. She tasted like red wine and weed. Not a combination Abbi would expect from her, but she wasn’t thinking in this moment, only feeling.
Barely pulling away Haley asked her "did Seb tell you?" Her tongue in her mouth again before she could say anything.
Trying to breathe, Abbi responded "yesss" and Haley giggled into another sloppy kiss.
"mmm, good boy."
Abbi felt her knees trembling, and she clung to Haley for support, her hands tangling in her hair. She could feel Haley trying to position herself better in the window, climbing up off the floor and into the windowsill, both of them desperate to press their bodies together. The keening desperation was so far beyond anything Abbi had anticipated, the force of it was making her dizzy. Haley ran a hand down Abbi’s chest, towards her abdomen, and Abbi’s strength gave out. With Haley hanging so far out the window, the two of them tumbled to the soft earth below, bodies finally flush.
If the fall was gentle or not, neither of them noticed. Haley giggled into Abbi’s mouth, but a second later their tongues were entangled again. Haley rolled her hips into Abbi’s, causing her to gasp in arousal. She straddled one of Abbi’s legs and pressed herself into her thigh. Her pyjamas were so thin, Abbi could feel all of her. She lifted her knee to increase the contact and Haley had to break away, arching her back “hnnngh – Abbi!” she gasped as she continued rolling her hips, leaning forward and licking her neck.
Abbi was completely breathless, her heart beating maniacally, as she ran her hands over Haley’s soft skin. The straps of her tank top were already falling off her shoulder and it would be so easy to push them further down and --
The sound of a despairing sob broke through their frenzy.
Immediately both of them froze.
Another sob broke through, and they became aware of the rushed footsteps that accompanied it.
Haley giggled into her neck and Abbi quickly shushed her, though the sensation of it against her skin made her quiver.
They waited in silence, panting against each other, as they heard the footsteps and the crying disintegrating into distance. As it did, the awareness came. The sound of the wind in the trees, the ocean beating against the shore, Kent snoring next door. The smell of earth. Of Haley, of the two of them. The stars shining down. The nearest streetlamp flickering.
Haley put her hands into the earth and pushed herself upwards so her face was hovering over Abbi’s. Her mussed hair tumbling down to tickle her skin. They looked at each other, still breathless. Abbi could tell she was having the same realizations. That reality was rushing in.
